just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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