He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
