it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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