She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
