I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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