do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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