i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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