if you like me you must not know who I am
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
