I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
