It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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