She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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