honey bunches of taint.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
