please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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