If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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