i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
