you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
