So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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