I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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