Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
