I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
