I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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