my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize