1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
