you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
