The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
