He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
