community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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