apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
