nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
