At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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