No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize