I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
