I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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