if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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