In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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