The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
