what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
