We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize