I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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