I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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