you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
