oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
