I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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