Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
