I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize