I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
