ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Damn victory sex feels great
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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