I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize