First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
