After last night, I could never be a politician.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
