we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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