Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
