Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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