I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
