rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
