a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
