it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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