I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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