He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
