they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize