I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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