Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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