remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
