If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
