I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
