She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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