I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
