i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
