There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
