she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
