Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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