remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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