Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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