Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
