You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
