umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I looked at my own cervix.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
