even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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