Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
