ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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