my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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