Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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