Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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