I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
