I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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