Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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