It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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