i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
