She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
