maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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