farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
