I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
