we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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