I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
