Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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