what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
