Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize