Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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