awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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