I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
