I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
tell me about the eggs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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