Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
