Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
