Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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