love makes seman taste better
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
